living alone

you're now standing there with keys in hand and 18 boxes filled with your life’s possessions. It’s freedom; it's maturity; it’s a whole lot of problems you’ve never had before:

1. You gotta own the mess.

“Why is the shower dirty? It should be the cleanest place in the house. I cover it in water and soap on a daily basis.” - Yeah, this mess is now yours: you created it and unfortunately you're gonna have to be the one to blitz the place.

2. You get creative with your resources.

“So I have a bottle of soya sauce, an old pizza slice and a box of baking soda: I can make a pretty decent meal out of this.” No matter what is in your fridge, there is always a combination you haven’t tried - but that’s probably for good reason.

5. Mail is no fun anymore.

“Ooh a letter! For me? This is exciting. Who would be writing to me? Maybe it’s a love letter. This is so romantic…oh, it's another bill. I’ll go stick it with the rest of them.” Nothing cries independence and standing on your own two feet more than seven separate companies demanding your hard earned money. The fear is real.

7. Talking to yourself is a regular pastime.

“Should I get takeout again? No, come on, you got take out the last two nights. But there’s nothing in the fridge. So go out and get some groceries you lazy bastards. God, I can’t talk you when you’re like this.” Who are you talking to? There’s no one there. Fuck. This is how insanity starts. Maybe you should go out and see some other human beings.

8. Talking to my dog.

"Hi peanut, what have you been doing" "peanut, you've been really fat nowdays" "peanut, im borrrreeeeeed" "peanut, are you hungry? cos i am"